Do you believe in destiny? I do. I think that everything happens for a reason and certain people are in your life at a certain point for a reason. A friend has just come from Kolkata and has been in a similar position. I have a lot that I can learn from her. She has a simple strength and a beautiful smile that makes me feel I can do it. She gives me a strength and determination I have been craving. I am going to let go. I am going to skip the drama of rehab and forward planning. Instead I realise that half the fear is unrealistic. It is all just built up in my head. This is not the freedom I was craving. I am not a hypocrite and I can't lie to myself. I desperately want a hold on my life. I have given up too much and don't get anything in return. I am sacrificing my freedom, time and emotions. It's not worth it. I am gently going to let this paper boat go. I am going to walk the steps of an innocent child, raise my face, get drenched in the soothing rain and then bend down and put the boat in a stream and walk away. As it moves away I will watch with a bittersweet smile and no regrets. I will savour the good times and not hope for what was never meant to be. I will cry but the rain will soothe my broken heart. It is better to let the boat go while the storm clouds have calmed down. It is better to let the boat go before the downpour starts again. It is better to hold onto the last shreds of innocence before my spirit shatters like delicate crystal. I want to hold onto the last shreds of sanity left in my grasp. It will hurt now but I will look back and smile.